Ich bin ein Juicer

by gbsmith4

I’m not sure exactly how I got here, but here I am: a juicer.  No, not the Roger Clemens/Barry Bonds kind of “juicer”!  Not even the Alberto Contador infected-beef kind of juicer.

Instead, the kind of lunatic who mixes kale, beets, celery, and apples together to make a pretty good-tasting drink.  Seriously.  I am not making that up.  Yes, it sounds disgusting.  And I think it would be disgusting if you made it in a blender.  But, with a juicer, it actually tastes pretty good.  And a LOT better than it sounds.

But, forget the taste.  How did a guy raised on Budweiser, perogies, and pizza get to this point?  Evolution, I guess, and it all started with the darn bike.

And there the story gets easy to understand:

1.  Guy starts riding a bike.

2.  Guy gets upset when others pass him.  Easily pass him.

3.  Guy upgrades to “road” bike so he can go faster.

4.  Starts “training” so he can go really fast.

5.  Enters races and discovers he’s really not all that fast.

6.  Upgrades bike and training to maximize his sad potential.

7.  Reaches “competitive” stage of athleticism (which, charitably, is just below “good,”) and starts grasping at straws to get even 1% better.

8.  Realizes nutrition is only area untouched.

9. Ditches cookies, cakes, sweets, and much to his chagrin, adds in vegetables, and other formerly-abhorred foods.

10.  Starts searching the internet for ANY food that will make him faster or stronger.

11.  Discovers beets, tart-cherrys, kale, flax seeds, etc.

12.  Also discovers “juicing” which is right next to EST, Lilith Fair concerts, and Earth Day in the west coast, all-natural, “crunchie” pantheon.

13.  Buys insanely expensive juicer, which does something like “masticate” and realizes juice produced is actually….pretty tasty.

14. Vows not to proselytize about his new found religion.

15.  Can’t help himself.  Instead has the occasional burger and fries to get back to his roots.

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