How to be a d*ck.

by gbsmith4

We had some people over to the house last night.  My sole job was “gracious host” and, humbly, one at which I excel at.

I did not know any of the guests before hand, so I’m assuming everyone was on his best behavior.  I’m hoping my first guest was just having a bad day.

I asked the fellow what he’d like to have to drink and he said a beer.  Great, I said, I have Heineken on tap.   Upon hearing that, he looked at me like he had just stepped in something terribly smelly.

But, not a problem as I am eminently flexible.  I then opined I had a variety of bottled beers in our wine cooler and did he have any preferences.  At which he commented, “Well, I’m a bit of a beer snob.”  In lieu of punching him in the face, I showed him my selected bottle while doing my best beer sommelier impression.  Even then, I believe he had an issue, but at that point, I was already cracking the bottle and moving on to the next guest.

Now, for future reference, if someone offers you a beer — especially at their house — the only acceptable answer is something like, “Whatever you’re serving.”  Or maybe, “Whatever’s not moving.”  Or even, “I’m happy with whatever you give me.”

The right answer is most assuredly not “I’m a beer snob.”  No, that’s the answer you give if you want to be known as a d*ck.

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